in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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