I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
