WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
