I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
