porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
