do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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