Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
