i'm lost and i look like a hooker
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
