hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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