You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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