how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
