OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i came on her dog
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
