His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
