the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Randomize
