can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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