i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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