Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
