is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
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