mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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