Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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