dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
