Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
