so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
