JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
