Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
