My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
