You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize