You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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