There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I am never drinking with the goths again.
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