is your mom at the bar?
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
