clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
50% drunk capacity currently
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I DEMAND FORESKIN
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
