on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Randomize
