foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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