if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
