in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
