If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
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