I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was born a porn star she said
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
