Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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