his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
He keeps bees of course he's weird
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
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