there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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