idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Randomize
