At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
