when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
