I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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