I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
