State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
