I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
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