where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
