No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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