1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
