it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Randomize
