I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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