His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
