In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
Randomize
