Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
Michael Bay diarrhea
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
