everyone is single if you try hard enough
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
