I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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