just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
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