i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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