Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
My brain says no but my pants say off.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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