i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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