Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
