i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
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