I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Randomize
