i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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