guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
