windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
