Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
This toilet bowl is my home.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
