ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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