He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
