WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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