You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
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