omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
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