hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize