I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize